23.11.10

on the edge.
between fall and winter.
warm to cold.

being ok, to needing warmth.

05.10.10

Praise us:
Project by Tetta

04.10.10

Full of Happiness and Disguises:

On Sunday Linus and I went all the way to Yokohama to do a costume fitting for the parade we will be participating in China Town!

He seemed to really like Yokohama and I am very happy that we got to spend a nice post-reunion quality time there!

Poo to Paul for not hanging out with us!

02.10.10

Fancy Him:

the first time Paul and I didn't fight in the cho.
He's a good guy when he isn't drunk. Phew.

30.09.10

Arrival of Linus:

my best friend from Sweden came. We only spent a little over a month together in Gothenburg, but it was really the best time of my life in Sweden!

He will now be in Japan for 10 months and I just cannot wait for what may come in the future!

Thanks to my beloved roommate Yuka, she took him out for a day while I was at work:)

23.09.10

Finally:

Puff Puff Parfait.

It was like those bingings on sweets after massive breakups.
Poor children with broken heart, going at the biggest parfait they had seen in their lives!







....and a bit of art for good digestion afterwards:

22.09.10

Setouchi International Art Festival:

A day begins with the sunrise, and it ends with the sunset.
Island hopping and seeing the new world.
----

The sea separated different worlds;
those worlds live on their own.

We absorb one thing from one island,
the memory of it is carried onto another one.

At the end it's just a clumsy mix of memories from all and is summarized as just one word, "setouchi".

14.09.10

Just when the mind is at rest, after a happy birthday fiesta and all in all, I am finally becoming friends with the old friends and people that I had struggles with. Paul and I are going our own ways, our paths might cross again..., my body is starting to go kaputt.

My ear started bleeding on my birthday, a splash of blood out of my ear. Yeah, gross. Since a few days now the back of my head aches so badly that I go blind for a split second. I move my head to the left and it hurts, I move my head to the right and I almost have to scream.

I am really scared now, I don't know what is happening with me!

I don't want a good bye friends hello hospital life!!!

I just want to wake up and be all fresh and fine....

09.09.10

I have a new nephew!
My brother's baby was born at 11:44 on September 7th, 2010.
A virgo, a beautiful baby.

I was out getting my phone fixed, didn't really know about it until much later!

It's so strange; that someone in your close family is going through such a dramatic moment and you are just spending your ordinary life. We were only about an hour away from each other too. I was probably just thinking, fuck this, my phone...broken, again. Something that's not so important, while my brother was probably sweating, wishing, worried, excited, and s u p e r happy.

I never really cared about my family so much, it's only when everything was too late. My brother did all the best for me, I think. He even came to my graduation, but I just got drunk with my friends and I didn't care about them so much.

I think it's really time for me to care.

But anyways, a massive congratulation to my bestest brother and his wife.

31.08.10

read, study, read, study, read, study, love, play, read, study

21.08.10

It's been a series of questions I've raised.
Questioning could irritate others.
Raising a question for myself to others,
or questioning things that are private.

From now on,
I shall start keeping the questions to myself,
and suggest things to others,
in a subtle way.

18.08.10

I have been telling myself that I am fine, I am fine, I am fine;
Everything will be better.

But now I cannot even say that anymore.

I just needed help, which I never got.
I just needed comfort that I never got.

It just gets harder and harder as things are really sucking up my energy and time, but I am not getting anything back, except people telling me it's all my fault.

I'm just too tired to care about anything right now.
Less careful I am, the more I make mistakes.

I just need to apologize, nothing else.
I just wish I could say it's not my fault, and it's someone else's.

Even the fact I couldn't wake up on time before work because I was doing researches on the web for someone else; or even for the fact that I slacked off at work because my mind is too full of someone else.

Fuck, I need to get my life a little sorted out before I move on with this thing.

29.07.10

Balls.

Three day weekend all to myself. Phew, it was wonderful!
It gave me a lot of time to think over things I didn't have time for.

I need to get out of this comfort zone.

I need to try harder to be valued.
I need to try harder to be liked.
I need to try harder to be skilled.

...but some things just don't work out even if I try hard!

26.07.10

When Annie was here:

my best friend from college, still an amazing friend of mine, came to Japan for 10 days. A real lazy visit time, I must say. We didn't do anything exciting or party-like, except this one night on the boat; what an amazing deal it was, a cruise for 90 minutes including all you can drink for 2500 yen!
http://www.tokaikisen.co.jp/event/noryo2010/

I miss her so much!

12.07.10

最近東京がつらいと思った時はこれを聴く。



What I have been lacking in my life are slowly being spelled in my brain.

I never take anything serious. Nothing, never.

Work, play, friends and relationships.

It's been like this and I've NEVER had a problem, unfortunately.


I mean I do like all of them, but I've always stressed out about any of them not going in the way I want. What a selfish bastard, eh.

It's this person that I am dating now, who is making me a better person. I've been learning how to really care about the person I like. Every time we have a problem, at least until now, I've been just blaming everything on him and victimized myself; although I am starting to realize, that the problems arise when I make a big deal about all these things. If I had just shut my mouth for a second and swallowed all the words, nothing would have happened.

Luckily, or thank you to P., we are still together. Phew.

I've been hanging out with my best friend Annie from the US, who is visiting me for 10 days. She's the one who's truly supported me in the last 5 years of my life. She's the one who knows the best how much I can get into something and not care about anything else. All the college romances too, of course.

Remembering the part of my life when I was a workoholic and didn't really have a real relationship is a good thing now. It's so different from my life of skipping work and instead facebooking and youtubing all day, or else talking to P; as well as worrying about what P. is doing and who P. is hanging out with etc etc.

What the fuck, I need to get a grip in my life. Perhaps I should start something that makes me think of P. a little less. I should perhaps check my phone every 10 minutes instead of 1.

All my friends that have supported me in the past - it seems as if they have disappeared from my life and I get angry about it, but who is it to blame? - me. I've only been hanging out with P. and have not cared about anyone else at all. Pfff, all the emails I haven't written back to them, are just screaming for my words on my phone and gmail inbox, with 841 unread messages.

My family was so happy to have me back in Japan but I haven't seen them for at least a month. They live only an hour and a half away. My pregnant sister in law doesn't even bother writing me an email anymore because I never write back.

I'm in danger I think. Getting angry for people not caring about me because I never care about them enough.

But before it's too late I've realized and I need to really try all my best to be a better family member, friend and a boyfriend....and an employee of course.

I am just so fortunate to be myself now. Much happier about everything now I have realized this.

I love you everyone, especially my sweetest Puggle <3

06.06.10

It's hard to find an answer, when you don't even know what the question is.
The answer for now is to find a question that I can investigate on.

04.06.10

遅めに起きて、
洗濯して
乾燥機はあえて使わず、
外で干す。

洗濯中は余った食材でランチ。
初夏のにおいたっぷり、ゴーヤチャンプルー。

沖縄、行きたいな、と思って
沖縄の友達に連絡。
行くかもーなんて言ってはしゃいじゃって、

ベランダからとんだ洗濯物を追いかけて
部屋片付けて
疲れたらお茶とタバコ。

大好きなトクマルシューゴ聞いて、
明後日のライブを想像して、

大好きな人を想って

夕方になったら
お出かけ準備して、

仕事じゃないからめちゃラフな格好でよし。

ギャラリー行って
大勢でインド料理食べて

小雨が降ってきたから早めに家帰って、
布団と服救出して、
眠いからとりこんだままの布団にぎゅー。

色んな人とスカイプで話して
今寝るところ。

なんか幸せな一日。

01.06.10

NICE!

01.06.10

I had a lovely weekend with Paul again.
We had a little bit of quarrel at the end, but it was all good.

Because he's a blonde, yeah yeah yeah.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Ol4oWChjzk


Lotteria is gonna start selling this:



Who wants to go eat this?

27.05.10

Yeah, let's just be honest....

I suck.
I lie.


Honesty is what can save me from falling down.

23.05.10

アーティーで
セクシィで
かっこいい自分になりたいっす。

今の目標は

遅刻はしない。
目の前の事に集中する。
友達を大事にする。

その三つ！

18.05.10

Right path, wrong path, it doesn't really matter.
You just have to do it right, either way.

13.05.10

欠点がありすぎの自分にも、
良い所が一つある。

それは、食べ物を絶対無駄にしないこと。

それと同じように、
目の前に置かれたやらなくちゃいけない事を、
やり残しにしないように

頑張ります。

むしゃむしゃ、
むしゃむしゃ、

もっとこいやーーー

08.05.10

A little oasis in the middle of cold cold buildings where I work.

The sun is the only real thing:
the veggies are just objects that have been picked from the nature,
all sorted and laid out: fake.

I wish I could just say mmm what a nice weather, it's beautiful!
But I just have to think think think.

Why why why I say and you know you love it.

02.05.10

I knew it was difficult for the other,
all those times.
I knew it I knew it I knew it.

\
I just needed to get one thing,
it was a fucking long journey of trying, trying, trying.

\
Left scars on the boy I loved.
That will never go away.
Just 7 hours it's been.
14,21,28,35,42,49,56,63,70.

\
Honesty is all that matters. He taught me one thing.
I want to show him what I've learned.
I want to tell him it's ok.

28.04.10

Something is being fixed,
but then another thing becomes broken.

It's a repetitive process;
break, fix, break, fix.

It becomes easier as you learn either
how to fix something faster,
or what to leave unfixed.

The ones you leave unfixed,
you buy a new one.

24.04.10

You only know it's enough when it's too much;

hence,

too late.

20.04.10

Beheaded once, but I can still walk without my head.

19.04.10

I thought it'd go forever,
but it just disappeared in a second.
Flash
Flash
Flash

then a darkness.

01.04.10

Detatching myself from reality,
I feel more real.

22.03.10

There,
there.

Here,
where?

It's easier to know where you want to go,
than to know where you are right at this moment.


I need inspirations.

21.03.10

hahahaha

Click Here

--------

There are rhythms to languages. Different ones from different places.
Places.
Places.
Time.
Places.

The tempo gets faster and it could sound aggressive,
Slow is Mellow.
Deep is strong,
Light is joyful.

I feel like contemporary art I've been experiencing in the last few months have been deep and slow, with lots of stoccatos and accents.
Foreign accents.

Do you know that feeling, when you listen to a person talking in a language that is foreign to both you and them, but you can sometimes figure out that they sound foreign....?

I feeol that way now.

19.03.10

Friday night for other people, but I've got a workday tomorrow.
Half day though!

I was hanging out with one of my housemates, Kie. We decided to head out to Ogikubo, a.k.a. Ogi, a neighborhood with small bars and all near our house.
(a 35 minute walk, a 15 minute bike ride or a 10 minute cab ride....)

We ended up spending loads of money just to get stuffed animals from UFO machines...we managed to get 5!




Korean pop is quite nice!!:

17.03.10

I ate some bread that was waaay expired. Ugh, gross.
But my coworker Horie-san bought me a delicious lunch! Yum yum :)

I've just been working on nothing at work today. Is that a paradox, I think so.

I did some brainstorming for dangerous vs safe.

How to make something dangerous in the safest place on earth?
What does it mean to be safe?
Lack of danger, or full of safety?

I think I will do a little bit of investigation on the word "safe".


Look at what I found today:
Parasite Museum