Nostalgia
The sense of community, which I've longed for for a very long time. I've ways missed this feeling of having a place to go back to.
I am so jealous of people's Facebook updates that say "I am going home!"
I am not so bummed about it though, it's nice that I have good friends everywhere in the world but I just suddenly came to a thought that its something that is letting me down; making me less satisfied with who I am and where I am going. I almost forgot why I came to Japan. I wanted to come back at this age so I am not too old to come back to where my parents are from, where I was born and where my family is.
I just got a job in a field that I am specialized in, with the skills that I have, the languages, and just have been going with it, but slowly I am getting really bored and moreover I am getting frustrated with myself for being less and less interesting everyday.
I am no longer that exotic foreigner and I am expected to know all the social rules. But does knowing the rules mean following them? No.
I am very confused now. I don't know how I should be and hence what I ant to be. I don't know how to expressively anymore because I don't know what I want. I kind of want to ask a random person what I should be and just follow what the person says. I've tried Taft with my friends that I trust a lot but I always ended up bailing out because I believe it's something I should decide myself afterall. Then I do all these things to make myself stronger but I get lazy in the middle and end up hating myself for leaving those things half-ass. Shit, I'm really a mess eh.
So I don't know what I am trying to say nor why I am making this a public statement but I felt like I need to clear this out of my mind and say to myself, JUST DO IT as my former classmate Clara Terne said to me as an advice for how to get things done.
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
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